After lifting up celibate singleness as the ideal, and marriage as a concession to avoid sexual sin, Paul applied that advice to people in differing circumstances:

• VIRGINS
• DIVORCED
• WIDOWS
• BELIEVERS MARRIED TO BELIEVERS
• BELIEVERS MARRIED TO UNBELIEVERS

» VV. 8-9
8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

VIRGINS were addressed in vv.1-2 and will be addressed again in v.25-26. Because of this, it seems to me that “unmarried” here refers to people who are divorced (think of a tied knot being “untied”). I’m not firm in this interpretation, it just makes sense to me in the context.

DIVORCEES and WIDOWS should remain single and sexually pure. If they can’t control their sexual passions they should remarry.

» VV. 10-11
10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.

BELIEVERS MARRIED TO BELIEVERS should not get divorced. If they do, they should read v.9 again - stay single or reconcile with their spouses. Paul reminded the church that Jesus already answered this question (“not I, but the Lord,” see Matthew 5, Matthew 19, and Mark 10).

» VV. 12-16
12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

BELIEVERS MARRIED TO UNBELIEVERS are “the rest.” Who else was left after his other remarks? He acknowledged that the Lord didn’t directly address this subject. But Paul said as an apostle of God who was set apart by Jesus to speak on His behalf to “stay in your marriage. Don’t leave your unbelieving spouse.”

Why would this question even come up? Well, a few verses back (6:15-20), Paul that said since these believers were part of Christ’s body, if they joined themselves to the body of a prostitute they would be joining the body of Christ to the body of a prostitute.

Based upon that reasoning, a Christian might conclude that remaining “one flesh” with an unbelieving spouse would force Christ to become one flesh with an unbeliever – and that doing so would be sinful.

But Paul considered an alternate ending to the story. Your unbelieving spouse, by sticking around, may become a believer and thus be “sanctified” through your faith.

Behind Paul’s optimism I think there is an assumption that Christians are much more committed than they are in the 21st century America. He assumes Christians set apart every aspect of their lives to God. That would make it awfully challenging for an unbelieving spouse.

Consider what it would be like to be married to Paul. His life had no worldly stability. He was constantly beaten up and thrown in jail for his faith. He made a life out of travelling the globe to preach the gospel at one church or another and to minister to those in need. His days were full of prayer. His decisions were made based upon God’s guidance rather than fleshly desires and needs.

An unbeliever married to Paul would be drawn to Christ through his passion, faith and dedication – or leave him.

Most of us fall far short of Paul’s dedicated life. But if our faith permeated our lives as his did, and if we were married to unbelievers, there could only be two outcomes: our spouses would leave or they’d become Christians.

Paul writes clearly about this: If your unbelieving spouse will stay with you, thank God for that. That means there’s still hope that he or she will become a believer! But if your unbelieving spouse wants to leave, let it be so. Christians shouldn’t fight with unbelieving spouses who leave. We are supposed to lead peaceful lives, and we have no way to know whether fighting with them to stay will ultimately lead to their salvation. It’s better to let them go.

What is critical here is that it is THE UNBELIEVER WHO CHOOSES to leave. A Christian is not free to leave an unbelieving spouse. Rather, he or she should patiently – with the strength of the Holy Spirit – live out marriage in a way that is faithful to God. Living this way, ultimately, will put the unbelieving spouse in a position to choose to stay or go.

As Peter wrote, “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior” (1 Peter 3:1-2).